What a mess...

I wish I was a person who could stay angry and vindictive, instead of being a person who eventually calms down and begins to consider how the other person must feel.

I began my last post about ten minutes after I had heard that Brent had gone to court and plead not guilty. I know that there are two sides to every story, and I am without a doubt that Brent has his, but the true fact remains that Brent did assault me that night with the clothes airer. I believe that the way our justice system works leaves many woman feeling vulnerable and unworthy of true consideration. I believe everyone should be entitled to plead their case, but it seems to me that woman come at the bottom of the list when it comes to being protected and finding an arena to have a voice. No woman, no where, no how, should have to put up with being abused verbally or physically and while our society continues to make excuses for the abuser, many many more woman and children will be victimised. I am someones daughter, sister, and mother and I do have a right to say no, I'm not putting up with this. Brent also has this same right. I exercise this right by either asking Brent to leave my home, or if I have been at his place and the situation is getting out of hand, I will leave. If my character is in question, as an excuse to hit me with a clothes airer, then I need to ask...are we all able to attack anyone because we feel unfairly treated. Would I be able to walk into Brent's place today and attack him because I feel unfairly treated? Would it be acceptable for my brothers to attack Brent because they want to avenge their little sister? How would you feel if it was your daughter? How would you feel if it was your sister? How would you feel if it was your mother? Outraged, should be the answer! My family and friends are outraged at this act of violence against me... but did they go anywhere near Brent, either in person, or by phone, to avenge me? Absolutely not! Yes, they are upset and angry, but two things remain true. Firstly, they know Brent personally and understand that this act is something that Brent (and myself) have to deal with appropriately, so that Brent never deals with his frustration this way again, and that we individually seek to learn how to create healthy loving relationships. Secondly, they understand that there has to be a deeper reason why an adult man chooses to attack a woman rather than walk away and only he can be responsible for not choosing to do so, I am not responsible for what Brent chose to do that night, I am only responsible for choosing to accept that in the past, abusive behaviour towards me is acceptable and that is something I have to work through.

I honestly believe that we as a society, have to stop making excuses for bad behaviour. She made me do it, cause she made me angry, is bullshit! I have never been able to make Brent, or any man, do anything he does not want to do! I love quiz nights and the food channel, but if you think I can make Brent attend a quiz night or watch the food channel, twentyfour-seven, you're crazy. I could no sooner make him wear a dress, than he could make me be a lesbian. Its not in my makeup, what IS in my makeup is a desire for truth. So making excuses for bad behaviour is just another way of giving licence to everyone to just go about doing what the hell they want!

I believe that while Brent refuses to take responsibility for how he chooses to act, or react, he will lock himself into a pattern of behaviour that will eventually leave him outside of the loving relationship that I know he truelly wants for himself. I believe that while I refuse to take responsibility for allowing myself to be seen and treated as if I am not worthy of a truelly loving relationship then I too will lock myself into a pattern of behaviour that will eventually leave me outside.

Right from the start of this blog, I said, this was not an attempt to lay blame on anyone, but rather a way for me to share what I was going through. Blame is a way of not taking responsibility for ourselves. I could blame Brent for all the upsets we have had together and in hindsight when I look through some of my past posts, it appears that I have, but the truth is I do not blame Brent for everything. I accept that I have work to do for myself and on myself. I have mentioned things that have angered and upset me more so to expose them, for I believe that only that which is not exposed can continue to control you. Many people will be upset at things I have said and will continue to say, but the truth is, the situation between Brent and I is something we have to deal with and if either of us refuses to take responsibility for what we have both said and done, then that will be on us.